So you’ve woken up in the morning, brushed your teeth, ate some cheerios, kissed your spouse goodbye, lifted your briefcase and opened the door to leave for work six minutes early to avoid morning traffic. You’re heading down the driveway, nudging your chin idly, your car keys mingling soundlessly between your fingers, only to find that there’s a gigantic sinkhole where your Corolla once has been.
Don’t be alarmed now. It is every civilization’s relentless fate – to end. And now our time has arrived. Fortunate for you, I’m here to guide you through it. So save your goodbyes for later, and hop on my safety bus to begin the tour. Be careful when you move around the sinkhole to reach the bus door, and try not to worry about the lady on your left mourning about her Prius. I’ll pick her up too. Hurry, because we’ve got a short amount of time, and I want to show you everything.
Make sure you’re well-seated in our spacious, comfortable benches. We are very aware of the high compactness and the rising temperature- our generator has broken, and we’re working as hard as we can to operate the temporary one. We apologize ahead for the inconvenience – I can notice from the wrinkle of your nose that the man beside you didn’t have the time to put his deodorant this morning. For your convenience, we’re handing out free laundry pins, so if you don’t want to put up with the smell, so get accustomed to mouth breathing for the next few hours. Now all that’s left is to push the fat lady who passed out on your belt buckle, fasten your seatbelt, and enjoy the ride! (And for the side note, your health insurance won’t cover any injury caused on this bus, so be aware of whom you’re stepping on).
As we’re on our way to our first sighting, you can take a glimpse at the Bright red sky – “The blood of Armageddon” it’s called. No, it doesn’t look like regular dusk. Its 3 PM. ignore the clock on your left. It’s also broken due to the generator. “The blood of Armageddon” is- No, it’s not “just the dust” nor fog. It’s the Blood of Armageddon. A sign that the world is about to end. Now if you remain quiet I’ll be able to continue the rest of the tour. Thank you.
Our first sight is the midtown’s suburban area. Here, you can see the damage that is already being made by doomsday: take a look of the broken roofs, the missing pavements, the uprooted trees, the- what? An old man mowing his front yard with his underwear? Oh, this elder is probably too old to realize what’s going on. Here, look how his mower is running him over now. No need to scream, it’s a peaceful way to go compared to what all of us are going to endure.
Now we’re driving through one of the main boulevards of the city. As you can see, the streets are already empty, as we took care of evacuating all the residents into our safety buses. What is our final destination you ask? Well… Doomsday of course! So hold back with the questions, because it’s only five minutes away from here.
Look around you! Look at the ruined buildings, the trashed pavements and the abandoned stores and apartments. Armageddon has taken the city by storm! Well… no, not an actual storm. The real cause is far more complex than that- No. not a meteor either. Look, the only thing that has to concern you is that the world is about to end. It doesn’t matter why. Now quiet, our tour is almost ending and you won’t be able to hear the ending.
If you’re wondering how the rest of the city looks like, it’s pretty much all the same. And outside? It’s even worse. Bridges and highways have been destroyed which brought millions into their deaths. Governments all over the world have announced a stage 5 (which is the worst stage) emergency level. As you can already tell, even prayers won’t help us here.
I can tell by your expression you’re overwhelmed. I know it’s frightening. I know you don’t believe me right now, you think it’s a prank and you’ll soon wake up safe and sound in your bed, emerging from this terrible nightmare.
But the nightmare is real. Only if you had listened sooner. Only if you could see a little bit far beyond yourself, maybe and only maybe then, we could have avoided it.
“Natural disaster has nothing to do with mankind,” you say? Well, mankind is a natural disaster! We made an order, but the world wanted chaos. Think of it as a blessing. Maybe this is not our doom, but our freedom? Isn’t it making you feel somewhat better? No? Oh… I guess you are not allowed to choose how to feel anymore. You’ve lost your credibility. You must believe me. You must choose to feel good about the death of the world. No matter what your personal beliefs are. We are the only ones who know, what’s best for you, like we know, what’s best for the world.
So, my friends, there it is.
The end of the world is finally upon us in its full wrath and glory. The
world as we know it is about to be erased and God knows what (or who) will come
instead. Now, before we reach the final stop on our disastrous heavenly ride,
does anybody have any questions?
No, you can’t go to the bathroom. As I’ve made it clear before, or perhaps I haven’t, but this is a bus you can never leave.